Challenges and the perimenopausal woman

Last week was rough.

This week isn't proving any easier.

Over the weekend I found myself flipping from one extreme to another.  

I wanted to jump in my car and run away.

I wanted to have another baby before I couldn't anymore.

I cried at the drop of the hat.

I was energetic and engaged.

Of all those things,

 (and others I didn't think you'd want to hear about)

the one that made me feel the worst was the realization that I don't really know who I am right now.  

No purpose, no goals, no idea where to turn for either.

I was grateful for an understanding husband, his broad chest and strong arms, his quiet voice and encouraging endearments.

However.

Monday came and he went off to work leaving me alone with myself.

Not knowing what else to do I threw myself into this month's

Hastystitch Challenge...

While looking at this and thinking about what to do with those stitches this song popped into my brain

59th Street Bridge Song...

And VIOLA!  I haz idea!  Ten minutes later I haz sketch!

So.  From sketch to craft store where I didn't find exactly what I had envisioned, but supplies I felt would work well.

Now, the last time I stitched on paper it was perforated and cross stitch, so I knew this would be an experiment and possibly not work, but I was hopeful and excited.  After working out the lamp post, I transferred drawing to parchment.  Once drawn in to my satisfaction I set about tearing away the excess.

Loving the way the paper tears!

So after careful pinning (you have to keep in mind every hole punched in the paper is there forever and ever and ever) I settled in to stitch the edges down with a simple running stitch.

Once tacked down I started on the lamp itself using a simple back stitch and gray variegated cotton floss.

I was really liking the looks of the lamp post, but not the rest of the paper, but continued stitching anyway.  

Once I got to the bottom and had the lamp post all stitched and lovely I picked out the running stitch holding the paper down and tore the excess away.

Seriously loving it now!  But there are stitch holes in the fabric I cannot wash out.  Not sure what I will do about them, but am going to press on anyway, trusting that an idea will spark!

So this is where I'm at.  Past the really iffy part of the project, but still uncertain about everything else.

Here I sit... staring at my keyboard, wondering what profound words I  have to offer.

I ain't got nuffin.

What I do know is this challenge is engaging me.  Keeping me from sitting on the couch with a bag of potato chips feeling sorry for myself and wishing for better days.  I may not be visibly solving my problems but while my hands are busy my mind and my heart are content and I think that is the most important thing.  I don't have any problems that time and nature won't fix right now, so I have to give up being in control, which is hard.  This helps.  A lot.

Maybe what I'll learn from menopause is how to better handle change.

Not.

Gods.  If I lose that, I'm not sure I will have anything to hold myself together.

Theme song for April moving into this next part of her life?  

Slow down, you're moving too fast.

You've got to make the morning last!

Just!

Kicking down, the cobble stone.

Looking for fun and...

Feeling Groovy!