Four weeks in. Three weeks out...

This week starts week four of marathon training.

I'm feeling good.  

My foot feels good.

I think I am handling the new distances and the speeds rather well.

I'm delighted to already be within reach of my goal pace... but... experience has shown that shaving that last minute off your mile can be a difficult thing.

Kinda like those last few pounds.

But I don't even want to talk about pounds.  

Last week I gained four.

Needless to say (even though I'm going to say it anyway) I was not a happy camper.

But.

After spending several hours with tears threatening to brim over and a constant threat of that quivering bottom lip I have run through all the rationalization, all the reason, all the possibilities.  

I have hit the "I quit" point and the "What's the point? milestone and have kept on walking.

Now on the other side of that I'm still not happy.  

But.

I think I can safely say that I'm not going to let it get to me.

I have decided I am not going to get on the scale again until my next dietitian appointment on the 11th of June.

I am, instead, am going to  continue to work on changing my thoughts about food.  

I am going to continue to work on portions and contents.  

I am going to keep walking.

Because, bottom line...

I.  Feel.  Better.

I look better already, I smile more, I am more confidant, I have more energy.

So even if I'm not losing weight right now I'm still doing something about my health.

This week sees a change!  Rest/3 miles/2 miles/4 miles/cross train/SIX miles.

Five wasn't horrible, so I'm hoping six won't be either... I remember a time when I walked 6 miles daily...

I can do this!

On the home front I continue to stitch!

Lots of ideas running around in my head and I find I have to take time to sketch them out and tuck them away in my idea book or they get all jumbled up inside my head.  

The only problem is the ideas in the book keep getting pushed aside for new ideas.  

GAAAAHHHH!

::ahem::

Anyway.

I have decided to do it.

Crown Street Cottage will open its doors on June 19th.

Watch this space for new goodies and grand opening offers!

Now to stay on track to have stock to put in that lovely little shop front on Etsy!  

Here is a sneak peak of some of the things I have been working on...

GAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Again.
This blog entry has been sitting here for days... waiting for photos...
But I have been totally lost in the throes of creative madness...
No photos.
Just gonna put this up to let you all know I'm still hanging in there.
Photos to come.  Promise!

Fatsos Anonymous Update

Lovely meeting with the dietitian today.

Pyramids are out, plates are in... a very interesting way of looking at what you eat.

(see me spending time googling vegetable dishes)

She was upbeat and friendly.

She seemed to get from my comments

 (and who are we kidding here, I rambled on and on and on in answer to her leading questions)

She did a very good job of showing me I already had the tools in place... including the will.

So.  I feel good.  

Yesterday was a good food and exercise day.

Today is shaping up to be just as good.

I have found two possible marathons to sign up for in August... just waiting back to here if one or the other does or does not allow walking dog companions.  As soon as I get answers I will be filling out the form and sending the money in.  

Anyone care to take this journey with me, let me know!

We can share apps, websites etc and get our groove on virtually together!

  

Fatsos Anonymous.

Hi.  My name is April.  I'm a fatso.

Here is a picture of me in Italy 1998.  Not at my fattest, but close.

This picture is also in Italy 1998.  I had begun walking three times a week with a friend.  We did a mile or so.  It felt good, but it was hard.  Once we left Italy I got even heavier.  

There are no pictures of me from California (our next duty station) to hand.  

Mostly because I could not stand to be photographed. 

On the day of my gastric bypass surgery I weighed in at 377 pounds.

The surgery was successful from day one. 

 I lost 100 pounds in six months.

In this photograph I weigh 270 pounds... that was June, 2001

I was incredibly proud. 

 I felt good. 

 I could walk. 

 I could sleep through the night. 

 I was happy and sure of my continued success.

At my 2 year anniversary I had lost a total of 170 pounds.  

I looked fantastic.

I felt fantastic.

Then I got a tummy tuck and had 8 pounds of skin removed from my stomach.

(notice no under arm boob roll, and no ass lump)

I was very happy for several, several years.

Here I am riding again. 

Something I had thought I would never be able to do again.

I think I am the happiest I have been in years in this photo.

However. 

A few years have passed.

I am older.

I have gained weight.

It kinda just snuck up on me.  

One minute I'm buying larger jeans, and the next minute I'm back to shopping for plus size shirts and can't believe all my favorites either don't fit or look like crap.

Here I am on my birthday last year.

Weighing in at 230

Today I weigh 270. 

Again.

It has dawned on me today that I am back to that 6 month photo.

I look at that photo and it no longer makes me happy.

In fact, it makes me incredibly sad.

This is me today.  270 pounds.  Yuck.

Today I started marathon training. 

 I walked the first 3 of many miles ahead of me this summer.

Tomorrow I go to the dietitian for help with my food.

I also will be broaching the subject of a gastric band.

I'm miserable.

But I have the power to make things better.

I've done it before.

I will do it again.